FDA Mandates All Obese People Must Begin Regular Exercise and Diet Planning

In a much anticipated press release on Monday, the FDA has just announced that regular exercise and a healthy diet are now required to participate in society.

“Obesity and poor diets were responsible for 10.9 million deaths, or 22% of all deaths among adults in 2017” said Shelly Ekenberger, head of the FDA’s ministry of concern, “so it’s about time we did something about it.”

Since people have been stuck inside for the past year and gyms have been closed, obesity rates are on the rise once again. Contributing factors include the government not giving a fuck about your health, getting fast food delivered to your house and just being a lazy fuck.

This means no more maple bacon poutine for your large ass!